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Carolyn J. Collin Edmonton Life Coach Divorce Coach Support Groups

Blog Intention

by Carolyn

Every month I will be posting a blog or two relating to life lessons and life skills. I believe we can learn a lot through story telling as well as hearing personal stories. The intent is to give you a different perspective that you may have not considered before, to inspire positive change and to entertain along the way.

As a holistic practitioner I often advise clients to keep a journal of some kind. Whether it be a gratitude journal or a personal blog. Writing is a form of self expression which is good for the soul. My intent here is to teach from what I’ve learnt in the trenches but also what I learnt from studying personal development over the years. I aim to assist in making your life easier, happier, and more comfortable.

Note, there will be co-contributors along the way to offer fresh material and diverse life stories. Happy reading!

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Carolyn J. Collin Edmonton Life Coach Divorce Coach Support Groups

Love and Compassion are Nature’s Medicines

by Carolyn

It is my belief love and compassion can make the sadness, anger, and coldness you’ve been feeling, perhaps have become accustomed to feeling — heal. At least, that is my hope for everyone.

Who really wins?

As human beings we appear to be hard wired
wanting to be right, wishing for things to be different, and fighting for circumstances to be fair. In my experience life rarely turns out this way.

I went through many years of torment due to a family court battle that never seemed to have an ending. These concepts of things needing to be right, different, fair had caused everyone involved so much pain, anger and confusion —— not a winning combo for anyone.

True Power Lays in Love And Compassion

I heard the aforementioned statement about a few years ago but never really understood it, until I started putting it into practice. I made a choice one day to set aside my desire for things to be right, different, fair by putting forth in every interaction the real tools that have true power–“Love and Compassion.”

As a result of exercising these tools, my circumstances started to shift and change for the better. Reactions from others softened. I became less burdened, less angry, less uptight. It was an act of surrender and trust for a greater yet to be.

Love Heals Our Wounds

I had prayed often hoping for a healing to occur with my broken family. Many times in church, on my knees, or in my sweat ceremonies I would ask source/spirit to come into my life and make things better. On my son’s 17th birthday, May 24, 2015 my prayer came true. My son’s Father and I sat with our grown young man and enjoyed a birthday dinner altogether. It was a rare moment for us but more importantly our son.

For the sake of creating anew, I sat back, listened and offered love and compassion. I left my ego out of it and didn’t fight the need to be right with what was being shared. On account of this, we were able to connect and get along. I was shown that love and compassion can truly be the medicine our souls have been longing for and that maintaining the idea that things need to be right, different and fair was not worth it in the end. If you want to experience more happiness, I urge you to start implementing these powerful tools in your life today.

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Carolyn J. Collin Edmonton Life Coach Divorce Coach Support Groups

A Warrior Within

by Carolyn

I’ve experienced much loss. Some losses were out of my control; some wherein I had to make the excruciating personal choice to let go because staying meant putting another above me. It’s all too easy in life to stay the course of the well-worn-path, but to switch directions completely not knowing where that new path will lead, takes courage – a warrior-type courage.

The Spiritual Warrior in Me

I have come to know myself as being a warrior — a Spiritual Warrior — “one who combats self-ignorance, the universal enemy, the ultimate source of suffering in Buddhist philosophy.” A spiritual warrior is “a heroic being with a brave mind and ethical impulse.” Different from other paths, the spiritual warrior compassionately helps others with wisdom.

The Spin Cycle

People often remain in a cycle of quandary not realizing their life is passing them by. They are walking mindlessly, merely reacting to their environment rather then waking up to the present moment and coming ALIVE into it!

They’ve lost hope due to their pain-filled experiences. They do not dare tempt fate for the off chance they may experience more pain. They choose the spin cycle, not realizing that in fact they have chosen a long-term relationship with pain — instead of jumping over the chasm and choosing a short-term relationship with pain. It’s not easy to follow the internal calling to make a change but I can tell you from making this choice over and over again, it’s well worth it!

My Quest

Since my early 20’s, I’ve been aiming to achieve a higher understanding of myself. Suffice it to say: one may never reach the place of full understanding as we are always evolving and shape-shifting into greater versions of ourselves. Nevertheless, not everyone is as ambitious to strive for this level of enlightenment. I personally have not chosen the path of least resistance. I have felt excessive emotions of sadness and anger, as well as feelings of pure love and ecstasy from my own actions taken.

My quest is motivated in assisting others along their path in creating positive shifts in their life and finding their Warrior within. I believe it’s important for us all to dig deep and align our inner selves with the outer World. Do you want to live a much richer and fuller life? Would you like to become more accepting of self and thus accepting of others? It’s never to late to make the choice to find your Warrior within and begin igniting wonderful new opportunities. Your Life awaits!

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Carolyn J. Collin Edmonton Life Coach Divorce Coach Support Groups

Busy Is Not Better

by Carolyn

Hmm, where do I begin? (I think to myself, as the mind races around to what’s next on this long list of things I “have” to do.) I confess to finding it a challenge to live in the now. I’m an active person — a doer – and often feeling like the white rabbit in the well known children’s classic, Alice in Wonderland. Always rushing off for a “very important date”.

What’s the rush anyway?

After checking off one item on the list, there most certainly always is another, and another. There’s repeatedly more to do if I allow myself to be caught up in the doing. It never ends. Case in point…when I bought my first house this year in March. Many thoughts and worries surfaced — and the main one was “if and when this gets taken care of, then I’ll be happy”. This went on and on all Spring and Summer long. I’m sure some of you can relate. Why wait on yet another thing before I allow myself to be happy? Why not be happy now? It’s now August, and I’ve finally resigned myself to the fact that if there really is nothing left to do, it’s only because I’ve joined the land of the non-living.

Does busy make us feel better? 

Up until now…up until my body couldn’t move anymore and I found myself making mistakes, double booking, sometimes triple booking myself, I finally understood that “busy” is not necessarily better. It took working a full-time 9-5 job, running two small groups opposite weeks of each other for three months, starting up a new Toastmaster’s Club, playing on two baseball teams, doing one on one coaching, putting on a Summer Health & Wellness Retreat as well as playing several active roles at the local Centre for Spiritual Living that I realized this ‘doing’ business was complete MADNESS. I had this impression that being busy equated to being important (so “not busy=not important”). I lost touch with myself.

The seed won’t bloom if…

Now, its great to have plans and act on them, but what I’ve come to learn has been a valuable lesson to me. One must ‘pace’ oneself. I have to give myself the right conditions to grow, and at the right ‘pace’ in order to become truly effective in life. We can’t do this if we’re depleted. We need the proper nutrients and conditions that will allow us to grow to the best of our abilities. The seed won’t bloom into a beautiful flower if you give it too much water to fast, or too much sun. It needs just the right amount. This can be used as a great lesson for us all.

Give yourself a break. There’s no shame in taking it slow. Write in your schedule today under your to do’s the following phrase; “nothing to do” and be okay with that! 😀

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Carolyn J. Collin Edmonton Life Coach Divorce Coach Support Groups

Discovering Character Through Adversity

by Carolyn

It’s interesting to me how we as human being’s will do whatever it takes to avoid pain, and even more, endeavour to protect our kids from painful experiences. Our minds do a really good job of protecting us from probable dangers. We will forecast potential problems that could arise and make decisions based on a fear of what could happen. All the while not realizing the actual event we fear will more than likely never occur.

The problems lay in…

When we make decisions based on fear rather than love our road may become peppered with greater difficulties for all involved. For example, if you’re in a lifeless marriage and you feel stuck because you don’t want your kids to experience the pain of a divorce, I would ask you to notice where your choice to stay is coming from. Is a lie more loving than the truth?

In a powerful 2 min Youtube video by Gary Zukav (author/spiritual teacher) counsels a young fellow on “How to Make Tough Decisions with Love, Not Fear.” He suggests we distinguish what comes from fear and what comes from love. “What comes from love will feed you, will nurture you, will excite you. You’ll want to get up in the morning for it. And what comes from fear will dampen it. It’s your life and you need to decide…”

The answer is in making a choice based in love even if it means having a difficult conversation about the truth of what you’re experiencing with your partner. If you don’t let the other party know, you will continue to suffer alone and that’s not good for your emotional, mental, spiritual and physical health. Your unhappiness will be felt by your children, no matter how well you think you’re hiding it and they will never get to experience the absolute best of you!

What I’ve learnt…

In my feeble attempts to play creator, I have no doubt caused more pain and drama that could have been avoided by surrendering, instead of trying to control everything. What I noticed in myself and in my son over the years, is that strong character had been developed through adversity. Experiencing pain at an early age has made my son able to adapt to life and all it’s ongoing day to day challenges. He’s much more equipped then the child who has been bubble wrapped before going out the door. Sure there are challenges, but for the most part I have no major concerns that my son can’t handle life’s constant ebbs and flows. For me, adversity and pain have birthed an unyielding spirit, adaptability, empathy, compassion and most importantly, the ability to be authentic with those I love. Our problem is that we get so focused only on the pain, and forget to look at what we could become after the dust settles.

Look for the gold…

Yes, life can bring to us such gut wrenching moments. I believe strongly that there is always gold to be mined if we just take the time to look at things from a different vantage point. I urge you to look at experiences in the past where your mind had created fearful stories. Look at the truth of the situation. Did you make it through? Did you come out better?

I know for me, walking through the fire continues to bring me to higher ground, to places I would have never imagined possible. Isn’t it time to throw out the bubble wrap? who needs that stuff anyway…well, maybe recycle it 😉

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Carolyn J. Collin Edmonton Life Coach Divorce Coach Support Groups

How Long Will You Keep the Ghosts of the Past Alive?!

by Carolyn

It saddens me to see people suffer from past experiences and old ideas (I’ve been there). These unresolved, unprocessed emotions often remain hidden and locked in the subconscious mind, and more importantly, locked inside the body. These “hungry ghosts” (as the Buddhists call being driven animalistically by intense emotions) make numerous attempts throughout one’s life to be heard, to be seen, to have their story told in order to find a respectful, and final, resting place.

Unresolved, unexpressed energy is unhealthy to carry…

If you think stuffing and playing David Copperfield with your feelings will make them disappear, think again. The more we try to stuff, deny, and repress these painful experiences, the more we become unconsciously controlled by their haunting memory. These unresolved emotions often contain a charged-like energy within them that can become lodged in certain parts of the body. Many eastern traditions, like yoga and acupuncture (and author Louise Hay, among many others) say these repressed emotions clog up the body’s energy channels and are the source and cause of many ailments and diseases. Why do we try to avoid them? Are we afraid we’d lose control and burst into pieces if we dared take a closer look?

Move towards greater peace of mind, health and balance

Many who play this game of denial have unhealthy habits or vices they reach for in times when they need a little bit of solace and peace. But that so called “peace” comes at a very high price. Manufactured peace is not real peace. It can also lead to addiction. That said, the only way to have true peace and lasting happiness is to face our ghosts and come to terms with them.

At the end of the day, we can all aim to release the old in order to make room for the new. As a profound act of self-love, it benefits not only ourselves, but also everyone around us. As we release more of our inner emotional pain, we get less caught up in the pain and drama of others, and thereby reduce the cycle of keeping the pain-train going in the world. By not propagating negativity, true peace can come forth.

Face the boogie man in the back of your mind!

My Mentor Rev. Patrick Cameron advises that one must look at something long enough so that its emotional charge can be transformed and no longer has power over us. I know what you may be thinking: “how long and difficult is that process going to be?”  Yes, you may need to dig deep… and if you do, you will find the necessary courage and strength which can be found in us all. I assure you the boogie man in your mind isn’t as big as it claims to be. And when the light of love is shone upon it, it usually melts to nothing, like when the Wicked Witch of the West was splashed with water in The Wizard of Oz.

Success in resolving painful memories can be achieved by finding a supportive and safe environment with a trusted health professional. Furthermore, you may want to stack your efforts by also hiring a life coach and requesting the support of your family and friends while you go through the process of releasing.

Time to stare those hungry ghosts in the face…I wish you all the best.

 

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Guidelines And Principles to Live By…

by Carolyn

This year I’ve been introduced to the eight limbs of yoga. Now, for those who might think it means people who do yoga discover body parts they didn’t know they had, let me explain. The “eight limbs” are moral, ethical, and social guidelines to live by, both on and off the yoga mat. What you say, do and think affects your happiness and well being, so the ancient tradition of yoga has principles to help us live more consciously. Aligning yourself with these practices is said to bring about inner peace in body, mind and spirit.

8 Limbs of Yoga…

The following is a brief summary of the eight limbs of yoga, as well as the ones that I’ve been personally focusing on and integrating into my life for the last month:

1st Limb –Yama deals with our behaviour and how we conduct ourselves in everyday life.

2nd Limb – Niyama has to do with our chosen spiritual practice(s) and self discipline.

3rd Limb – Asana focuses on the practice of the actual physical yoga postures for wellbeing.

4th Limb – Pranayama is about bringing awareness and expansion of the life force through the breath.

5th Limb – Pratyahara is the withdrawal of the five senses in order to experience our inner world.

6th Limb – Dharana is concentration/focus in order to cut through the distracted mind, and bring about more calm and centeredness.

7th Limb – Dhyana is meditation. Dhyana helps to dissolve the sense of separation with the Divine, which results in a sense of oneness and deep peace.

8th Limb – Samadhi is the supreme state. A state of consciousness where we move beyond time, space, and form.

Currently, I’m practicing limbs, 2, 4 and 7…

For limb 2, I attend the Centre for Spiritual Living in Edmonton on Sunday mornings. This acts as a weekly discipline, and good reminder of my spiritual practices. I apply limb 4 by reminding myself daily to breathe deeply and mindfully, to find little pauses for awareness in the day. Lastly, I meditate on a nightly basis for 10-20 minutes, to relax the mind from the day, which is limb 7.

These small acts help me to better “land” in my body and become more present to the moment. If you’d like more harmony and balance in your life, I would suggest you explore the 8 limbs of yoga more deeply, and work on slowly integrating them into your own life.

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Carolyn J. Collin Edmonton Life Coach Divorce Coach Support Groups

Finding Meaning this Holiday Season

by Carolyn

As the holiday season approaches, many of us get caught up in the flurry of activity, and stress, that often comes with it: busy shopping-malls, meal-preparation, decorating, letter and card-writing, get-togethers with every single person you know (it feels like), too much food/drink, Christmas caroling, late nights, little exercise, and not enough sleep. Of course we have to do everything we see advertised in the media, don’t we? With pressures like that, is it any wonder so many of us get sick or depressed at this time of year? It can easily become too much to handle.

What’s Important to You?

I’ve certainly been there, and you know what? Maybe this is the year that you decide it’ll be different. How? By asking yourself some powerful questions. Questions that help you to define what is truly important, and meaningful. Doing this will make things much easier in setting your priorities and as a result you can make better choices around your time.

Start by asking yourself these six, and sit with them awhile to see what comes up for you:

What are my core values, and beliefs?

What causes are near and dear to my heart?

What do I want my legacy to be?

What were my most memorable experiences as a child?

Who are my idols, and why do I admire these people?

What inspires me, or truly moves me?

Taking a closer look…

Your values are things that you believe are important, in the way you live and work. They (should) determine your priorities, and how you choose to spend/invest your time. Deep down, they’re probably the measures you use to tell if your life is turning out the way you want it to. When the things that you say and do match – and coincide with your values – life usually feels good. But when these don’t align with your values, that’s when something feels wrong…and frustration starts to nag at your brain…even if you can’t put your finger on exactly why you feel unhappy. That’s because the answer is hidden just below the surface, where your conscious mind cannot go. So take some time to really think about these questions before committing to a million parties and pot-lucks this year. Choose wisely.

Discovering what you value the most…

Another way to approach it could be to rate categories like the following from one to nine. One being least important and nine being most important:

Intimate relationship/partner

Parenting/family

Friendships-socializing

Education-personal growth

Career

Recreation

Spirituality-religion

Physical health

Helping others

Asking the right questions and even using a rating system to prioritize things, can bring about greater awareness and freedom in your life. My hope for you is that you identify what is truly meaningful, so that you may begin to live your life in a way that is more in alignment with it. After all, that’s where personal peace and happiness reside. And remember, if the holiday stresses do start getting to you, I’m just an email or phone call away. : )

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Carolyn J. Collin Edmonton Life Coach Divorce Coach Support Groups

5 Signs You May be Experiencing a Spiritual Awakening

by Carolyn

Going through challenging times lately?

You could potentially be experiencing a spiritual awakening…how exciting and delicious!

An awakening of this sort typically occurs with some kind of painful-catalyst type of event. Examples would be: a birth, a death, a breakup, an accident or illness, loss of a job, other major changes, etc…

The World As You Knew It Has Shifted…

Okay, I have to be honest with you…it often feels like the complete opposite of fun. It’s one of those life changing, Earth shattering opportunities where the ground beneath your feet feels unstable and recovery onto solid ground may take some time. You might even feel like reprieve will never come.

I have been walking this path for a year now, and its been uncomfortable as hell. Some days I wish I could just crawl back under the warm, cozy covers, forget everything that’s happened, and go back to the way I was…asleep. At the same time, I intuitively know its all for my benefit, and for those that I have the privilege of connecting with. It’s ok to be afraid..and yes, you still have to unwrap the gifts (experiences) you have been given in order to be able to enjoy life more fully.

Are You Going Through A Dark Night of The Soul?

The following are 5 signs that you may be experiencing a spiritual awakening:

1) A yearning to escape, to go within and find new meaning, new purpose and a spiritual connection.

2) Loss of interest in activities or things that used to bring you comfort but no longer have the same effect.

3) Waves of extreme emotionally pain and discomfort.

4) Changes in one’s prayer, meditation and spiritual practice.

5) The right-brain (intuitive) turns up its volume and the left-brain (logical) dims out and/or fogs up.

I’ve provided five signs here, but there are many others. You can find more information on this topic on the internet or at your local library.

One Day At A Time, This Too Shall Pass…

If you find yourself encountering any of these symptoms, I encourage you to hold on my friend! You are in for some profound personal shifts! Let the experience cleanse and purify your being. When you need help, involve a good friend to assist you along, hire a life coach, journal and remind yourself that you are safe in the present moment. Breathe deeply. Remember that this too shall pass. Take it one day at a time…one moment at a time if necessary.

The strength to survive and thrive is within you now. I know that if you have the willingness to face the fears and the discomfort, absolute peace, love and truth will be revealed.

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Carolyn J. Collin Edmonton Life Coach Divorce Coach Support Groups

Got Mentors?

by Carolyn

Has there ever been a time in your life when you felt down and out?

Or ever questioned your worth and purpose?

On the other hand, have you ever been in the presence of someone who made you feel you could be, do, and have anything you truly wanted in life? And that nothing was impossible?!

Create A Team of “YOU” Supporters!

Of course, we all have encountered these types situations and emotions to varying degrees. The key to moving through these experiences instead of getting stuck in them is having the right team in your corner. I personally have worked with a set of mentors throughout my life. They’ve guided me out of my own pits of despair, when everything seemed to be going “wrong”, and helped me navigate and move myself up to the next highest level…even when I didn’t feel like it. And for that, I am so grateful.

Invest in You…

Engaging and hiring a mentor or coach is an investment in yourself and your future. They can lift you out of self doubt and frustration, and bring about a fresh new perspective you hadn’t previously considered. Not only that, mentors can also be helpful in all walks of life: in sports, health, industry/business, government, relationships and even in your own back yard (gardening anyone?). Let’s face it, we’re never 100% on our game all the time. Mentors can help you bridge that gap when you’re running on the lower end of your potential, so you can get back to fully sharing your gifts with others.

Do You Want More Out of Yourself and Life?

So when you look at it that way, working with one is more than just an investment, it can be an act of self-love, and a great contribution to the world.

So tell me: who have been your mentors? Do you have an uplifting and inspiring story to share? Please comment below. I love those stories : )

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