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Carolyn J. Collin Edmonton Life Coach Divorce Coach Support Groups

Conducting Your Own Root Cause Inquiry

by Carolyn Collin March 8, 2016

Ever get caught up in emotional turmoil not knowing why someone or a something triggered you in a negative way? Did your reaction make sense to the situation, or was it out of proportion? Below is a way to conduct your own root cause inquiry in order to find “the original pain body” that could be the cause of your discomfort and possibly causing the seemingly negative results in your present life.

Perhaps find a quiet space where you won’t be disturbed, pour yourself a nice warm drink and turn off your cell phone. Take time to reflect and work through the following steps. This process may help you to identify the original upset so that you can let it go, move on, and live more peacefully.

Guidelines for Root Cause Inquiry:

1. It is best to do it as a journaling process. It can be helpful to start with a prayer inviting inner spiritual wisdom and discernment (the Holy Spirit) into this inquiry.

2. The starting point is an emotional upset.

3. Begin by accepting, “I am always upset because of a belief in my mind,” and be willing to see the root cause of this upset, something that may not be at all apparent now.

4.a. First question to ask is: Why do I feel ______? Fill in the blank with the emotional upset. For example, Why do I feel angry? Why do I feel hurt? Why do I feel guilty? Why do I feel embarrassed? etc.

4.b. If you aren’t sure what you are feeling, start by asking, “How am I feeling?” or “How does this make me feel?” It is helpful to identify the best description of the feeling before beginning the journaling process. (see examples of painful feelings below)

5. The first answer to the question points to the first level of belief. It could be called “the story.” For example, “I feel angry because he didn’t call when he said he would!” This is the starting point, because the story is the first level of belief. However, the process of Root Cause Inquiry will take us beyond the first level of belief to a deeper level.

6. Once you’ve looked at the first level of belief, you have to bring an assumption into the process in order for the process to work. The assumption is, “If my mind was perfectly healed, nothing would upset me, not even this.” Then you ask, “So why does this upset me?” Your question can be more specific. For example, “Why does it bother me that he didn’t call when I expected him to?”

7. At this point an answer will come that begins to point toward your perception and beliefs. If the answer that comes points outward at someone else, try again. For example, if the answer is “Because he doesn’t care about me,” that answer points outward toward “him”. Remind yourself that you are looking for the ideas in your own mind that are causing the upset. Say something like, “I am always upset because of something in my mind. So, why does it upset me that he didn’t call when I expected him to?” This refocuses the attention inward. The answer may come back as “I am upset because I feel like he doesn’t care.” That is pointing inward instead of outward, so that answer is moving in the right direction.

8. With each inward pointing answer that comes, ask another question that will point further inward. A common question that can continue to be asked is, “And why does that upset me?” Always we are assuming that it wouldn’t upset me if the mind was healed, so we are looking for the root unhealed idea that is causing the upset. So for example, if I have identified that I’m upset because I feel like he doesn’t care about me, I might ask, “Why does that upset me?” The answer might come as, “I feel shame.” At this point I have identified something that is all about me and my thoughts. There is no ‘other’ in this thought. This means I am getting very, very close to the root belief that is upsetting me. This belief was triggered by the outward event, but not caused by the outward event. I may also feel a deep emotion at this point that is different from the emotion felt at the beginning. The initial emotion may have been a defence mechanism, a cover up, hiding this deeper emotion. I may have felt, ‘anger’ and now I feel, ‘shame’. This is the more honest feeling.

9. Even at this level, it is helpful to look and see what is even deeper. So now I can ask, “Why do I feel shame?” For some, this won’t work at this point. The mind is eager to escape so it will run back to the story-level, back to “he did it!” If so, the question needs to be refocused. I need to remind myself I am looking inward for a belief that is causing this shame. So if “why’ questions don’t work at this point, try another inward probing approach like, “When I feel shame, what am I believing about myself?” The answer could come up in any set of words from “I am ugly” to “I am unlovable.” If there is form in the answer, like “I am ugly,” ask, “how does the idea that, ‘I am ugly’ make me feel?” That may go to the next level of belief, which is before form … I am unlovable (or something similar).

10. When you feel you have uncovered the true cause of the upset, which is always a belief in your mind that has nothing to do with the story or form, you can look back at the original belief which was the story. You should be able to see that the first level of belief was not the real cause of your upset. For example, you should be able to see that you weren’t upset because he didn’t call. You were upset because you believe you are unlovable. It should be clear to you that the story just triggered the deeper belief.

11. Now sit with the root belief and the feelings that are present with it. Realize this is an interpretation that you put on the story. You are the one that has decided ‘this event means this about me’. Also realize that you have been teaching yourself this belief for a very long time, interpreting many events to have this same meaning, and that is why it feels so strong in you. It doesn’t feel strong because it is true; it feels strong because it has been heavily reinforced through your interpretation of events.

12. When you have accepted responsibility for the interpretation, as the interpreter, gently forgive yourself in a way that feels honest for you. It could be as simple as “I forgive myself for believing this about myself”. Another idea of forgiveness might be, “I see now that I have made this up. This is merely my interpretation. It is not the truth.”

13. When you feel a sense of relief in some way, the forgiveness is complete. Sit with that sense of relief for a bit, accepting it fully.

After choosing an upset to work with, the examples below can help you identify the emotion for step 4. Find the one(s) that fit the best and continue throughout the rest of the process.

I wish you courage in your inner exploration, and good luck. If you get stuck, don’t give up. Stay with it and see where it takes you. With diligence, this exercise can result in greater levels of inner peace and happiness…which would be well worth the effort, don’t you think?

Dignity/Respect

Self-Worth

Ashamed
Beaten down
Cut down
Criticized
Dehumanized
Disrespected
Embarrassed
Humiliated
Inferior
Insulted
Invalidated
Labeled
Lectured to
Mocked
Offended
Put down
Resentful
Ridiculed
Stereotyped
Teased
Underestimated
Worthless

Freedom/Control

Bossed around
Controlled
Imposed upon
Imprisoned
Inhibited
Invaded
Forced
Manipulated
Obligated
Over-controlled
Over-ruled
Powerless
Pressured
Restricted
Suffocated
Trapped

Love/Connection

Importance

Abandoned
Alone
Brushed off
Confused
Disapproved of
Discouraged
Ignored
Insignificant
Invisible
Left out
Lonely
Misunderstood
Neglected
Rejected
Uncared about
Unheard
Unknown
Unimportant
Uninformed
Unloved
Unsupported
Unwanted

Justice/Truth

Accused
Blamed
Cheated
Disbelieved
Falsely accused
Guilt-tripped
Interrogated
Judged
Lied about
Lied to
Misled
Punished
Robbed

Safety

Abused
Afraid
Attacked
Defensive
Frightened
Insecure
Intimidated
Over-protected
Scared
Terrified
Threatened
Under-protected
Unsafe
Violated

Trust

Cynical
Guarded
Skeptical
Suspicious
Untrusted
Untrusting

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Weaving Self-Care Into Your Daily Life

by Carolyn Collin April 8, 2016

Taking care of yourself is a three-fold approach that helps to nature and nourish the mind, body, and spirit within the natural course of every day.

Mind: 

Take a break from the bad news, and gossip. It’s difficult to find spiritual sustenance and renewal in a World full of negative messages and tension. Commit to turning off the tv, radio, phone and internet one day per week. The weeklong bombardment of negativity from virtually every media outlet can wreak havoc on your mind, body and spirit. Add 10-20 minutes of daily meditation. Hundreds of scientific studies have shown meditation can aid in a plethora of mental, physical, and emotional ills, including coronary problems, cancer, and depression.

Body:

What you put into your body will ultimately be the fuel that either pushes you onward and upward or pulls you downward and backwards. Think before you eat. Ask yourself this question before putting foods or liquids in your body, is what I’m about to ingest going to benefit my body, mind and spirit? How can I care for myself in this moment? Eat and drink for the mind and body!

Spirit:

Seek insight from many sources. Through the ages, people have turned to spiritual traditions to search for wisdom about life’s meaning and purpose. Today’s seekers mine ancient wisdom traditions, science, meditation, and many other avenues. Instead of only sticking to one belief system, explore a variety of sources for guidance.

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What Can We Learn From A Massive Fire Loss?

by Carolyn Collin May 23, 2016

At the beginning of this month, 80,000 people were forced to evacuate their homes due to uncontrollable fires that swept their way through the town of Fort McMurray. If you’ve seen footage, I’m sure you felt sorrow for those having to go through such an ordeal. I couldn’t imagine. It brought to mind all the things I would stand to lose and how I would personally deal with such an unfortunate event.

Aside from my life coaching business, I also work in the insurance industry. I was able to speak with the evacuees first hand and hear their stories. I must say I was touched and impressed by the majority of folks with how they were coping. With this mentioned, the following are some ideas and thoughts of what I learnt.

Keep a perspective on whats really important. Its true what they say, things can be replaced but not those near and dear to our hearts. For the families who lost loved ones during this time, my thoughts and prayers are with you. There are many agencies (see resource list below) and people ready and willing to offer their expertise including myself. Please reach out if you need help regardless of what you’ve been pained by. There are people who care deeply and want to be there for you in your hour of need.

A strong and caring community can help us get through anything. I’ve witnessed such an out pouring of assistance and support from folks big and small which solidified my faith in this idea. For example, companies in our community donated their own resources and agreed to triple its employees contributions. I saw a report of a young boy selling lemonade at grocery store raising money towards the relief efforts. Airbnb hosts, offered their spaces/homes for free and lastly the company WestJet flew evacuees back to safety. There are more examples but too many to mention herein this blog.

Having proper insurance coverage in place is important. I believe this goes without saying, although (even working in the industry) I did question whether or not I had the right amount of coverage in place if this were to happen to me. Its important to speak with your broker and become personally acquainted with your home and auto policies. Please do not leave this to chance. This is not something to procrastinate on or turn a blind eye to. Its your life. You must protect your family and future.

Ultimately what I learnt about this event is that human beings are resilient and the people of Fort McMurray will get through this and rebuild again. My hope is that they’ll become a closer and stronger community. If you have thoughts on how to rebuild after loss, I encourage you to share your comments below.

The following resources may be helpful for those affected by the fire loss:

Recovering emotionally after a residential fire

Shepell: Employee and Family Assistance Program

Airbnb co-ordinate free emergency homes for Fort Mac evacuees

Private companies and municipalities pitching in to help with the huge wildfire

Questions about home and auto insurance

 

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Carolyn J. Collin Edmonton Life Coach Divorce Coach Support Groups

Are you in Denial?

by Carolyn Collin June 8, 2016

Are you one of those zombies in the walking dead, merely existing but not really living? Do you feel like a con because you’re not living a life of authenticity? Will this be the day that you finally have the courage to shake things up and wake up to a more meaningful existence?

Wake up and face the truth…

Why do we deny what we know needs to be changed? Denial is simply ignoring what is and putting off what you know today to deal with tomorrow. Its refusing the truth of a situation because you don’t have the courage to deal with the reality of it. Therefore you go on lying to yourself and others.

Denial the silent killer…

Let me guess, you reach for vices to mask the truth because living in reality has become too much to bear. You tell yourself that things are really not that bad. Some might believe that things have to be in a state of World War II for change to be necessary. “Complacency” and simply “co existing” are one in the same. If you’re having to mask the truth, you’re in denial and that can cause a World of emotional and physical problems.

Stop living in denial and start “LIVING”…

Suffice it to say that we all experience periods of living in denial. Unfortunately some people stay stuck there and walk a mindless existence. I admit to having been in these situations myself and noticed health challenges had manifested themselves. It took me a long time to face the truth but I did it with the right support systems in place. I did it for my overall health but more importantly, I did it for my son. The last thing I wanted was for my child to have an ill and unhappy Mother. He deserves to experience the best of me.

I therefore urge you to sum up your courage, face the “facts” about what is really going on in your life, whether its a stale and stagnate marriage or a dead end and meaningless job. Find your bliss and start friggin living!

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Top 3 Reasons to Practice Yin Yoga

by Carolyn Collin July 8, 2016

In a world like the one we are living in, it can be a challenge to remain grounded and fully present in the here and now. For those that struggle to live mindfully in today, you may want to consider giving yin yoga a trial run to reconnect to the “now.”

Be-Here-Now… 

Yin offers a much slower approach than other styles of yoga. A typical yin class will offer half the asana’s or yoga postures than other styles of yoga. It is said to be a passive practice rather than an active one. Less asana’s to endeavour through and slower movements means a greater opportunity to practice stillness and connect to the mind, body and soul.

Why Yin Yoga…

First, Yin calls you to come into an appropriate depth in a pose… just enough to feel an edge but not to go over the edge. That being said, coming into a pose and being asked not to force or shape shift, allows the practicing yogi to accept oneself in the now.

Second, it mindfully asks you to become still inside the pose, allowing for time to create space and depth. Sitting still is not an easy task to achieve for most people as we typically push ourselves from one function to the next. Granting intervals of time to meditate into each pose during our yin practice nurtures and strengthens our desire to become more tranquil and still off the mat.

Third, it gently challenges you to hold the pose for two to five minutes in length and sometimes longer. When we hold for time, we allow the body to open up naturally. During this juncture we may focus on our breath and use it to move through the body into the areas that feel tense. The breath is a wonderful tool to quiet the mind but also to lessen the sensations one might be experiencing while moving through each pose.

All of these components combined activate the energetic, meditative and physiological qualities of the body which in turn produces many positive effects.

Still the body, Still the mind… 

Practicing 20 to 60 minutes of yin yoga daily allows you to go from an active state to its counter opposite–a passive state. The movements are much more thoughtful and observant in nature thereby generating stillness in the mind. Whatever type of yoga practice you choose, it all comes down to you and what your body is needing in each moment.

This practice is about coming home to yourself. It’s about inviting in acceptance, letting go of judgment, expectations and the need to compete with others. When we can “practice” these concepts on the mat, the intention is that we will bring the practice off the mat and into our daily life.

A book that may be helpful in understanding this style of yoga more in-depth is Bernie Clark’s, “The Complete Guide to Yin Yoga.” Bernie is one of the leading authorities on the subject and has numerous youtube videos that are easy to follow especially if you are a beginner. Let me know your thoughts below. All the best with your yoga practice friends.

 

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Carolyn J. Collin Edmonton Life Coach Divorce Coach Support Groups

Yield Perspective Behind Your Pain

by Carolyn Collin August 8, 2016

Today I would like to touch on pain and the purpose behind it. I’m sure you would agree, there isn’t a human being out there that hasn’t been touched with some level of pain. Whether it be a small hurt that remains for a short term or a much larger one that persists for years or maybe a lifetime.

Whatever level of experience you have gone through, its important to your wellbeing to frame your pain in a way that will serve and support your highest good.

Pain, A Powerful Elixir For Change…  

The emotions that arise from a painful strife or a struggle can provide a remarkable amount of fuel to move you forward like no other experience can. When you look at pain from this point of view it may provide your mind with the ability to manage it’s state, towards healthier ways of thinking and behaving.

Take a moment to recall a time when you were going through something that redefined you in ways for the better? Note, you may have not realized it until years later, the hidden gem it contributed to your world. Are you going through another one of those times now? With this said, I encourage you to use the power of hindsight to yield a pragmatic perspective behind your current affliction(s).

Based on the results in my own life and personal reflection, I have always been carried to higher ground. I believe pain can be a powerful game changer. Yet, it’s important to note that there are also opportunities to transform without having to pass through such adversity.

What Are Your Painful Emotions Telling You…

What if there was a book out there that could tell you exactly what your emotions are for and the gift concealed within them? Emotions such as: anger, guilt, shame, fear, confusion, jealousy, envy, sadness, grief, depression, joy and happiness.

I’d like to introduce you to a book called, “The Language of Emotions,” written by Karla McLaren. She is an award-winning author and pioneering educator that has created a resource, on the full spectrum of human emotions which teaches you how to work through your feelings in order to receive their hidden wisdom and blessings for the purpose of living a more balanced and happy life.

Shift Perspective By Giving Your Brain New Information… 

In order to get “unstuck” from emotional trauma and discomfort, I would advise and encourage you to view the circumstance with a different lens. You can do this by reading or researching the conditions or dilemma your undergoing. You can also ask others for help, such as hiring a life coach. Providing your mind with new ideas and new information to chew on, will allow an opportunity for the old mental tapes to be recorded over. Subsequently, a shift in perspective then has a chance to occur and therefore so do your results. As always, I wish you all the best!

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Get in Touch With Your Inner Dosha

by Carolyn Collin September 8, 2016

I first learnt about Ayurveda and dosha’s through the teachings and practices of yoga. Ayurveda is a holistic approach to one’s health and is unique to each individual depending upon one’s mind and body constitution. Its a guidance method for how to maintain emotional and physical health throughout your day.

Ayurvedic Medicine Reflects On the Individual…

It began thousands of years ago in India and has made its way into our Western culture. When it comes to eating, I feel that modern medicine, groups everyone in a one size fits all category such as Canada’s Food Guide push, which advises how much we should all be consuming from all the food categories without consideration of you as a unique individual. With this being said, Ayurvedic medicine reflects on the individual and his/her lifestyle as well as emotional and psychological daily tendencies.

So What’s A Dosha?

Ayurveda describes the dosha’s, “three energies believed to circulate in the body and govern physiological activity.” The three types are Vata, Pitta and Kapha. Each comes with its own list of foods you’d be best to stay away from and foods that would line up beautifully with your body as a whole. When you make the decision to eat in alignment with your dosha, you open the doors to feeling at an optimal health in your mind, body and spirit.

How Do I know What Dosha I Am?

There are plenty of websites out there with quizzes ready for you to answer a culmination of questions to find out your dosha. Note, we can typically find ourselves to be a combination of these though one may be your primary.  Perhaps you may want to check out Joyful Belly which has a “create your diet” tab along with recipes and a list of ingredients that work for each dosha.

Doing some research in this area is worth a shot especially if you’ve been feeling low energy, lethargic, anxious, fearful and not so hot on the outside as well. It could be that your food consumption is contributing to your ill feelings. As always, wishing you well.

 

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Carolyn J. Collin Edmonton Life Coach Divorce Coach Support Groups

The Practice of Crystal Healing

by Carolyn Collin October 24, 2016

I have been interested in crystals since my early twenties and own quite the collection of rocks, stones, and crystals. Naturally this led to my interest in working with crystals for the benefit of healing myself and others. Crystal healing is an energy healing modality that addresses energetic imbalances throughout the body.

As humans, we have a physical body and an energetic body. Most people are familiar with treating and taking care of the physical body and haven’t learnt or even know that they also have an energetic body that also requires attention. What you do, what you eat and how you process life experiences can have a great affect to both of these bodies.

For example: If you break your leg, you would go to your family physician or hospital to care of the fracture. Thereafter you may consult a physiotherapist to get your leg moving the way it has been designed to.  In the same way, if you’re feeling “off” or feeling an inability to use your voice because of  the fear to speak up for yourself, then a Crystal Healer may be able to assist you in removing a possible block in your throat chakra. (What are Chakras?)

The practice of crystal healing is a holistic approach to returning the energy body to its normal functioning state. It is an intuitive art that works with the subtle body. Crystals in themselves, possess various energetic properties that can aid in healing, improve a circumstance, and/or manifest a desired outcome. Note, all forms of energy healing need to be experienced in order to be “felt” to understand and believe in its power and effectiveness. Therefore, its important to keep an open mind.

To learn more about The Practice of Crystal Healing check out “Change Your Energy.”

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Divorce concerns? Hindsight is 20/20…I offer you my ‘in’sight

by Carolyn Collin November 8, 2016

Article featured in the Divorce Magazine  published by Dorothy Briggs.

Here you are in a new place? A place you’ve never been with questions like; What’s going to happen to you? What will the future look like? How will you manage financially? Most importantly, what will happen to the kids? All these unknown fears fill up your mind and body making you feel completely out of control and helpless.

Fear of the unknown is one of the most difficult things we go through. We all have the desire to feel safe, loved and wanted. When divorce happens, these all come into question and shakes us to the very core.

So what can you do with all these fears and where can you go?

My company ReDefine™ is about redefining your stories, your self-imposed limitations and your filters of perception in order to start creating a life that is more meaningful and enjoyable, and aligns with your deepest desires. Too many people are paralyzed with fear, locked in the ‘what if’s’ believing there was no way out.

Allow me to settle your fears regarding you and your kids. I have learnt very valuable lessons over the years having dealt with my own family law and parenting challenges up until my son was 16yrs old. Now, 18yrs old, we are closer now than ever before. I am motivated in rebuilding those who find themselves in similar situations and offer my wisdom in hopes to save you from undue hardship.

As a Certified Life Coach and Holistic Practitioner I assist folks with creating strategies to produce a life that they can feel great about. I offer one on one yoga, reiki, crystal healing, support groups, and health & wellness retreats to help reconnect to what matters most–you.

Testimonial: I have known Carolyn for over 4 years. Carolyn has given me guidance with unconditional love and acceptance with respects to my divorce and parenting issues that I’ve had to face. She has opened not only my mind to a different thought process but given me back my voice. I’ve rediscovered my self-worth, revalued myself and found my footing with stronger parenting skills. This is all from Carolyn asking me the right questions at the right moments. I cannot express the gratitude I have for her being in my life and helping me rebuild my personal foundation and strength.  Nicole New

You don’t have to go through it alone. I offer a 30 minute complimentary consultation to support you at this time. Wishing you well.

 

Warmly,

 

Carolyn

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2016 Inner Reflections

by Carolyn Collin December 31, 2016

As this year comes to a close, I marked the occasion with a solo trip out to the country to conduct my annual journal burn. This outing is about reflecting on growth, the difficult times faced and setting intentions for the New Year. I believe its important to look back for the purpose of understanding where you’ve been and where you are now. Further, a review can provide an injection of confidence and a reference point to draw from when life goes sideways. (Ex. Wow I made it through that?! If I did that, I can do anything…type thing.)

During 2016 I continued cultivating a daily meditation and spiritual practice. It’s interesting how the more I take time to usher stillness within, the more I want to stay in that safe place. There is something expansive, very special and peaceful about the inner space. It requires no form of monetary payment, just patience, discipline and letting go. Yes, it can be difficult to sit still in a society thats geared to move from one thing to the next but dear friends the sojourn is so worth the effort.

On another note, I have read many fascinating books about the journey of the soul and the mind of the ego. As an example in “Spiritual Partnership, bestselling author Gary Zukav reveals a profound new relationship dynamic that enables us to reach our full potential and create authentic power and a joyful life. Spiritual partnerships are not only for couples in marriage; they can be created anywhere two or more individuals decide to engage as equals for the purpose of spiritual development.” This book is currently streaming on my iPhone through this fabulous ap called Hoopla. (Best 2016 find!)

This year I moved from being fearful to being faithful. One sweet soul that helped me along my journey was Regan Gee. He is one of the most genuine, interesting and grounded persons I know. I learnt about what it truly means to love oneself unconditionally. He also opened my mind to the possibilities about how I can realize my ultimate dream. This divine encounter was a gift that has changed me forever– for the better.

All and all theres much to be grateful for in 2016 (despite the aches and pains I encountered along the way.) Now considering the aforementioned, do you have any inner reflections about your year that you’d like to share? I’m always here to listen to your stories. Wishing you the best in 2017. Big ((HUGS)).

 

Warmly,

 

Carolyn

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